Today was one of those days were lack of sleep and the chaos of life caught up with me. I got in a really stupid fight with my wife this morning over something that meant absolutely nothing but at the time the devil was working his "magic" and made it seem like it was such a huge deal. So after a big blow up fight we decided to give each other some space. While I was trying to process my thoughts I found my self getting more angry and more angry. Than it hit me that I was being attacked by the Devil and he wanted me to hate my wife and not make things better. Once I realized this I was so mad at the Devil I told him, and excuse my language but I was mad, and this is what I said, Get away from me you piece of shit go back to hell.
Over the years I have realized that pride is the greatest of the sins and something that I was always to prideful to admit that I struggled with. It is the greatest way that the devil tears us from each other and especially our loved ones. The reason for the fight this morning really was pointless but with pride in the way it meant everything. I had to be right! Once I realized that I was giving into the sin of pride, I realized for the first time how much of a struggle it is and the intensity of it.
When we are prideful we are saying I don't care about you I am more important than you, to our peers and to our God. It makes us self-centered and it makes it impossible to love and serve others as Christ did. How can we serve the poor when all we care about is our self. How can we take love one another when we love our self more than anything. If we put others first we are humble. Care less about our self and more about others, we are humble. Realize it doesn't matter if I win the fight or not it is more important to love, we are humble.
When we are humble, we are strong in Christ. When I am humble I am proud in Christ. Proud in Christ? Is that a sin? What I mean by proud in Christ is that I can see things more like Him, the attacks of the devil are more real and the strength of Christ is even more real. Later in the day when I processed my thoughts more I wondered, did I sin when I said to the devil , get away from me you piece of Sh*t , was I being to prideful in this fight? Maybe I was but honestly I think that I want to tell the devil that more. To get away from me. In reality that's what he is, something that wants us to go down the toilet with him to perish in a fiery furnace.
I am proud that I have a God that loves me so much that He sent His Son to destroy death. I am proud that I have a chance to turn to my God and ask Him to claim His victory in my short comings, to find my strengths in Him. I am proud that I have such an amazing role model to follow in the teachings of humility, to put others before myself as Christ did. I am sure all you are wondering who won the fight and I can tell you with prideful humility that it wasn't me.
God, I pray that you would help me to put others before me, to serve others with a loving heart, a heart after yours. Thank you for your example and thank your for the amazing people you have put around me in my life. Let me love them as you loved and claim your victory over this sin of pride when pride gets in the way of my relationships. Please continue to humble me when I need to be humbled.
Amen
1 comments:
Thank you for writing this blog and being honest. I struggle with thinking that every couple has got it together except us. I feel like we are the only ones who fight and have issues. Not that I want you guys too, but at least I know now I am not alone. I guess being in ministry makes you feel like you have to be perfect sometimes.
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