Lately I have been praying and really stuggling with what it means to be a Christian. Just for some background information, I am a Catholic youth minister at a Church in Pittsburgh Pa. I have been here for 6 years. God has really been silently growing in me the past couple years and now I feel like He is putting a million thoughts in my head that I just cannot comprehend and I dont know where to start.
I started reading an amazing book that I highly recommend called Irresistible Revolution, by Shane Clairborne , and it has really made me start thinking. Am I doing enough? If I died today would God say good job son? Or would Jesus come up to me and be like well I thought I layed out a plan pretty well for my followers guess you missed some key points. Maybe you thought I'll take what Jesus said and twist it to fit my life style because I am sure He didn't mean what He was saying to go for everyone.
Here is one thing that I am really currently dealing with. It seems important; its written in 3 Gospels
Matthew 19:21
21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Mark 10:21
Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Luke 18:22
When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
So let me tell you why I am having a hard time with this.... Do I really need to explain?... Well let me start with one I was baptized as an infant and immediate follower of Christ, I was Confirmed in 6th grade ( an adult in the faith ) I was following before I gave things away. Christ said give away everything to the poor then come follow me. How can I do this when I have grown in faith with having all my belongings.
I am married ( to my smoking hot wife natalie aka thebusybudgetingmama) and we have two girls. How do I give my things to the poor when I have to provide for my family when sometimes I feel like working for the Church if I were to give my things to the poor I would be giving them back to myself....(semijoke) I feel torn - not just in thought but in my heart. I love Jesus with all my heart and mind and same with my wife and kids but can I love Jesus with all my belongings?
Did Jesus really mean the things he said? That is a really hard question when you sit and think about it. If Jesus was alive, walking the earth right now and was saying the things He did then now, I don't know if I would want to be a "Christian". I dont know if I would be like man I got to sell all this stuff and hang out with this guy or think, this guy is nuts!
After dealing with these thoughts lately I have come to a couple realizations. First being, I didn't trust/relay on God, I didn't believe that if I put my faith and life in His hands that He would take care of me and my family. I always worry about money and providing for my girls. I am praying and trying to trust in the Lord that He will provide for us as long as I am truly trying to seek Him. This is my biggest struggle.
Lord, I pray that you would help me to seek you first and find you within my loved ones. Lord I pray that you will continue to test me, make me uncomfortable in my faith so that I will continue to long for you. Help me to have faith in you and trust in you that you will provide for me and my family. Lord I pray for others who are having the same struggles as me. Enlighten them so that they may shake the world with your truth. Help us to be less needy for worldly things and help us to follow your calll to give away things that are not neccessary to our lives. Lord you are my King and my God, please help me to remember that. Amen
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