a lesson in humility and pride in Christianity

      Today was one of those days were lack of sleep and the chaos of life caught up with me.  I got in a really stupid fight with my wife this morning over something that meant absolutely nothing but at the time the devil was working his "magic" and made it seem like it was such a huge deal. So after a big blow up fight we decided to give each other some space. While I was trying to process my thoughts I found my self getting more angry and more angry. Than it hit me that I was being attacked by the Devil and he wanted me to hate my wife and not make things better. Once I realized this I was so mad at the Devil I told him, and excuse my language but I was mad, and this is what I said, Get away from me you piece of shit go back to hell.

    Over the years I have realized that pride is the greatest of the sins and something that I was always to prideful to admit that I struggled with.  It is the greatest way that the devil tears us from each other and especially our loved ones. The reason for the fight this morning really was pointless but with pride in the way it meant everything. I had to be right! Once I realized that I was giving into the sin of pride, I realized for the first time how much of a struggle it is and the intensity of it.

    When we are prideful we are saying I don't care about you I am more important than you, to our peers and to our God. It makes us self-centered and it makes it impossible to love and serve others as Christ did. How can we serve the poor when all we care about is our self. How can we take love one another when we love our self more than anything. If we put others first we are humble. Care less about our self and more about others, we are humble. Realize it doesn't matter if I win the fight or not it is more important to love, we are humble.

   When we are humble, we are strong in Christ. When I am humble I am proud in Christ. Proud in Christ? Is that a sin? What I mean by proud in Christ is that I can see things more like Him, the attacks of the devil are more real and the strength of Christ is even more real. Later in the day when I processed my thoughts more I wondered, did I sin when I said to the devil , get away from me you piece of Sh*t , was I being to prideful in this fight? Maybe I was but honestly I think that I want to tell the devil that more. To get away from me. In reality that's what he is, something that wants us to go down the toilet with him to perish in a fiery furnace.

   I am proud that I have a God that loves me so much that He sent His Son to destroy death. I am proud that I have a chance to turn to my God and ask Him to claim His victory in my short comings, to find my strengths in Him. I am proud that I have such an amazing role model to follow in the teachings of humility, to put others before myself as Christ did. I am sure all you are wondering who won the fight and I can tell you with prideful humility that it wasn't me.

    God, I pray that you would help me to put others before me, to serve others with a loving heart, a heart after yours. Thank you for your example and thank your for the amazing people you have put around me in my life. Let me love them as you loved and claim your victory over this sin of pride when pride gets in the way of my relationships. Please continue to humble me when I need to be humbled.

Amen

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Thoughts from Bible study

This weeks Gospel hits me hard. Here it is:

Jesus spoke to the crowds and to his disciples, saying,
"The scribes and the Pharisees
have taken their seat on the chair of Moses. 
Therefore, do and observe all things whatsoever they tell you,
but do not follow their example. 
For they preach but they do not practice. 
They tie up heavy burdens hard to carry
and lay them on people's shoulders, 
but they will not lift a finger to move them. 
All their works are performed to be seen. 
They widen their phylacteries and lengthen their tassels. 
They love places of honor at banquets, seats of honor in synagogues,
greetings in marketplaces, and the salutation 'Rabbi.'
As for you, do not be called 'Rabbi.'
You have but one teacher, and you are all brothers. 
Call no one on earth your father;
you have but one Father in heaven.
Do not be called 'Master';
you have but one master, the Christ. 
The greatest among you must be your servant.
Whoever exalts himself will be humbled;
but whoever humbles himself will be exalted."


Now in case you forgot I am a youth minister. This Gospel makes me look at myself, really look at my self. When Jesus says; therefore do and observe all the things whatsoever they tell you, but do not follow their example. For they preach but do not practice. It made me realize all the times that I am a hypocrite. I preach confession many times to my teens, heck last night we had a penance service for our confirmation class and out of the 90 of them I would say 80 of them went. Its a good thing they listen to what Christ said even though they don't know it. Many times I find myself to prideful to push myself to go to confession. I know the importance and I preach it all the time. It will make you feel better, I always tell the teens! Then why wouldn't I want to feel good? Why don't I go more often? Last Lent I went every week and it was seriously amazing! I felt so good, so close to God. My conscience was forming in ways I didn't know was possible. Even though it was really hard at times to go and admit that I continually screwed up, I made it a priority to go. God Blesses that effort so much and the amount of grace we receive it so amazing and precious. I have friends who were healed for addictions because of the power of frequent Confession. What an amazing gift Christ has given His Church. 

Lord I confess to you that I am a hypocrite and that I don't practice what I preach. Please help me to practice then preach. I thank you for using me, a broke vessel to reach your youth. Please put the broke pieces of me back together. Thank you for the opportunity, thank you for being an approachable God, that through your grace, by me asking for forgiveness I am remade in total union with you. Lord please help me to desire purity of mind, body and soul. Please keep me close to your sacraments. Help my soul to be found in you and desire to run back to you when I mess up. I love you Lord thank you for your forgiveness.  Amen

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Christian Comfort? is it possible

Lately I have been reading a lot about getting back to the basics of our faith and what it means to be a Christian. There are a lot of things that I have been asking myself lately and one of the big ones is when did Christianity become comfortable to me. Being Catholic has never been hard for me, in the sense that I don't have to worry about the well being of my family and I by saying that I am a believer/follower of Christ. I get to go to Mass whenever I want. We have a beautiful Church building, good music, and great preachers, but why is it that mass seems lethargic to most people when I am there and sometimes to me. We have become so accustomed to our routine that going to mass has become a box we check off. I am just as guilty of doing this sometimes. I have been becoming more aware of how my faith is not really as great as I thought it is.

A couple thoughts: If I being Catholic really believe that Christ is truly present in the Eucharist, Why would I not go to mass daily to receive Him. Sometimes I struggle with this belief because my thoughts get in the way of soul, then I come back to well if I really believe that Jesus is God and He can doing anything, like raise the dead, cure the blind and deaf, walk on water, why would I struggle with the thought that He could change a piece of bread into Himself.

John 6:53-69

53Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. 55For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. 56Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him.57Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me.58This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your forefathers ate manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever.” 59He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum.

Many Disciples Desert Jesus

60On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”

61Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? 62What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! 63The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit^e and they are life. 64Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. 65He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him.”

66From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

67“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

68Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.” 

I want to point out a couple things here. Jesus said "for my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink". The apostles said "this is a hard teaching" Many of His disciples turned back and no longer followed him! Now Lets look at this, after Jesus said this and people started leaving him and not believing in him anymore, He didn't say wow wow wow I was messing with you guys I didn't really mean it, I just meant its a symbol of me. 

Knowing that Christ is truly present in the Eucharist and that His flesh is real food and blood real drink I pray that I can leave my comfort of sleeping in and taking my day however I want to, and go to daily mass. For you are not truly alive without Christ and why would you not want to take him in on a daily basis. Jesus never said to his followers come believe in me and life is going to be really simple and you can live the same life you are living now you just need to add me to it. He said a lot of hard things, like sell everything you have and give it to the poor and follow me. Eat my body and drink my blood and you will have eternal life. To be a Christian (a follower of Christ) "Christ-like" we are called to die to ourselves. How do we do this? How can we make God a priority in our life? I think the answer is stop thinking about it and do it. 

Maybe you can start by looking at your belongs and see things you don't really need/use. I'm not talking about an extra toothbrush ( although im sure the poor could use it) I'm talking about your Tv's, your car, your nice new winter jacket, you know what I mean. Christ has called us to love Him, and we won't be fully happy until we love Him with our whole heart. Although it is hard to rid yourself of wanting nice things, those things aren't what is going to give us happiness and peace.


God Please give us a heart after yours. A heart like your Son's heart. Help us put our faith in you and our trust in you that you will provide us with everything that we need. Give us a deep desire for the Eucharist and give us the will to wake up early and get to daily mass. Help us long to need you and you alone. You are my God and please help me to remember You before me. 

Amen

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sufferings from afar

A couple months back my wife's best friends was killed my her ex boyfriend and father of her two kids. You can read the story on my wife's blog here http://www.thebusybudgetingmama.com/2011/06/my-best-friends-funeral-victim-of.html
I had the pleasure of meeting Shannon and spending some time with her but I didn't know her all that well. I never thought that it would be possible to suffer so much for the lose of someone that I didn't know that well personally. Like I said, she was my wife's best friend. Seeing the pain and sadness that my wife has to deal with rips a part of my heart out and its hard not to be angry about what happened. I did also meet her ex once and I had a hard time liking him from the get go and now its a lot harder since she is gone.

Matthew 5:44 But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

How can I love him? Pray for him...ok i got that down but love? Love someone who has caused so much suffering to my wife, to everyone who loved Shannon, I just don't know if I can God. Seeing my wife feel so down for weeks straight and still seeing her sadness stirs up emotions in me that are not of love. Natalie has been so great through this hard time in her life ( the hardest time ) Praying for Shannon's soul for her kids and even the person who killed her best friend.

I cannot even write down the thoughts and feelings that have come into my head through all of this. There have been many times where my faith has really been tested, really tested. With so much anger towards this person how can I forgive. Now God is telling me to love? Wow, Christ really stirs up His believers. Now for the question. Do I want to be a believer in Christ, or a follower of Christ?

How was Jesus able to forgive all of the people who were killing Him? Christ became human so that we may become divine and in forgiving Chris of killing Shannon and causing all of this pain in the people who loved her is going to take a divine act of love.  I can say I forgive him, I can pray for his soul, but how do I love a murderer?  How did Jesus do it? How did Jesus call Saul to be one of the most amazing followers of Him when he was a murderer? Only with divine love, love that is not human but the love of Christ.

Lord, Help me to love my enemies. Please empty myself of my thoughts and hate. Help me to forgive a man that has cause so much pain to my soul mate. My soul hurts for her but i know her soul hurts more. Help us to both seek you and try to be like you, a true lover of all. Help me to give me heart to you so that it would love everyone cause it is found in you and you alone. Only then will I be able to Love this man. I want to love my enemies but I need your grace to be able to do so. Give me that grace and give more of it to my wife, and even more of it to Chris. Help all the people suffering this lose to feel your comfort Lord and please help them to find You within Chris, as we were all made in your image and likeness. Change the heart of Chris so that he may know your love and show it to others. Please let evil leave him, anything that would hold him back from you. Lord he needs you more than us right now. Lord thank you for being such an amazing example and help all of us to love as you did, Loving our enemies and praying for those who persecute us. Amen

Please pray for Shannon's soul and for all of those who loved her and cared about her. Also please pray for the end of domestic violence.

If you are able to donate to a trust fund for her childrent please do so here:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/In-Memory-of-Shannon-Marie-Lawrence/227300847282075?sk=app_190435500990432

THANK YOU!

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Thoughts from Bible study

Every thursday morning, I get together with a couple guys from our church and we discuss the mass readings for the coming weekend.  Here is the Gospel for this weekend:

Gospel

Mt 22:34-40

When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees,

they gathered together, and one of them,

a scholar of the law tested him by asking,

"Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" 

He said to him,

"You shall love the Lord, your God,

with all your heart,

with all your soul,

and with all your mind.

This is the greatest and the first commandment.

The second is like it:

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 

The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments."

Wow! If that didn't catch your attention, maybe you should take another look. The greatest commandment, You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. I have heard this reading before and it never bothered me until now. Love God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind? That is really hard. Now I know there is nothing better to invest your everything in but can I really love Him with my whole heart and mind? (yes i left out soul-- because i think if you love God with your whole heart and mind your soul follows your actions)  Now my day to day life is what I am struggling with here. If I love him with my whole mind, I have to give up some things. I don't know if I can. I want to but its gonna take some grace. Does this include my music and my TV shows? Please God tell me no! I want those things. I find it really interesting the timing of this reading, now that I have gotten more into reading. (Christian Books) Its not a huge shock to me that I should be filling my mind with better things like reading rather than watching TV or seeing what I can entertain myself with online. 


I feel like I try love the Lord with my whole heart even though my heart might not be whole. I have to do a better job finding Him in there and seeking Him first and loving others through that love for Him. What if God meant when He said and love your neighbor as yourself, He was talking about your neighbor as being Him. If we love the Lord with all of our heart, all of our soul, and all our of mind, I think we love everyone in return. How would it be possible to not love our neighbor if we loved God with everything we were? Its not possible! So love the Lord and find Him in your heart. Find your relationship with others in the Lord and love them through loving the Lord. 


God, Please give me the strength to seek you and only you. When times are hard and I don't see you, make my heart beat harder for you. Help my heart to be whole, so I can love you with my whole heart. Please help me with loving you with my whole mind, that I may grow in knowledge of your love for me. And help my soul be filled with love for You for there is no one more worthy of my love. Amen

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Really Jesus?..... Really

Lately I have been praying and really stuggling with what it means to be a Christian. Just for some background information, I am a Catholic youth minister at a Church in Pittsburgh Pa. I have been here for 6 years. God has really been silently growing in me the past couple years and now I feel like He is putting a million thoughts in my head that I just cannot comprehend and I dont know where to start.

I started reading an amazing book that I highly recommend called Irresistible Revolution, by Shane Clairborne , and it has really made me start thinking. Am I doing enough? If I died today would God say good job son? Or would Jesus come up to me and be like well I thought I layed out a plan pretty well for my followers guess you missed some key points.  Maybe you thought I'll take what Jesus said and twist it to fit my life style because I am sure He didn't mean what He was saying to go for everyone.

Here is one thing that I am really currently dealing with. It seems important; its written in 3 Gospels

Matthew 19:21

New International Version (NIV)

 ²¹ Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”


Mark 10:21
Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”


Luke 18:22
When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”


So let me tell you why I am having a hard time with this.... Do I really need to explain?... Well let me start with one I was baptized as an infant and immediate follower of Christ, I was Confirmed in 6th grade ( an adult in the faith ) I was following before I gave things away. Christ said give away everything to the poor then come follow me. How can I do this when I have grown in faith with having all my belongings. 


I am married ( to my smoking hot wife natalie aka thebusybudgetingmama) and we have two girls. How do I give my things to the poor when I have to provide for my family when sometimes I feel like working for the Church if I were to give my things to the poor I would be giving them back to myself....(semijoke) I feel torn - not just in thought but in my heart. I love Jesus with all my heart and mind and same with my wife and kids but can I love Jesus with all my belongings? 


Did Jesus really mean the things he said? That is a really hard question when you sit and think about it. If Jesus was alive, walking the earth right now and was saying the things He did then now, I don't know if I would want to be a "Christian". I dont know if I would be like man I got to sell all this stuff and hang out with this guy or think, this guy is nuts! 


After dealing with these thoughts lately I have come to a couple realizations. First being, I didn't trust/relay on God, I didn't believe that if I put my faith and life in His hands that He would take care of me and my family. I always worry about money and providing for my girls. I am praying and trying to trust in the Lord that He will provide for us as long as I am truly trying to seek Him. This is my biggest struggle. 


Lord, I pray that you would help me to seek you first and find you within my loved ones. Lord I pray that you will continue to test me, make me uncomfortable in my faith so that I will continue to long for you. Help me to have faith in you and trust in you that you will provide for me and my family. Lord I pray for others who are having the same struggles as me. Enlighten them so that they may shake the world with your truth. Help us to be less needy for worldly things and help us to follow your calll to give away things that are not neccessary to our lives. Lord you are my King and my God, please help me to remember that. Amen

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